http://cantstopcrying.psychcentral.net My very own blog Tue, 12 Jan 2010 13:19:08 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en But yet it does. Nothing changes because I still screw up relationships and I'm still fat. A lot changes because Dave is dead. Back to the first one because I can't handle the second one. I am so so so so fucking sick and tired of screwing up. Why do I have this ideal ... http://cantstopcrying.psychcentral.net/2010/01/12/wow-nothing-changes-in-the-course-of-a-year/ Wow! It's been a long time since I've posted here! So--changing the focus from "how my life sucks because I always screw up in relationships", to "I'm fat." Write it out, it will help bring it to reality.  I am 5'10".  16 years ago when I got pregnant I weighed 113.  Then ... http://cantstopcrying.psychcentral.net/2009/01/28/new-thoughts/ Pretty much says it all.  Dr. A told B a blatant lie regarding this seminar that involves me and she was ticked at me!  Unbelievable that she believed him! So now I get to play travel agent again!  Lucky me! I hate that.  Hate that.  And I am so sore ... http://cantstopcrying.psychcentral.net/2008/09/30/work-is-stressing-me/ It got the better of me yesterday.  I was doing ok; feeling like I wanted to cry but not able to.  Not bad, though. Then an inconsiderate person posted some rude things in the forums and that just set me off.  He was rude to people who were hurting, saying ... http://cantstopcrying.psychcentral.net/2008/09/30/my-anger/ Let's see...Let's start with S.  Nice emails this week.  Real nice.  Thought I screwed up--I posted on Sc--.  He thought it was funny, though. M--Tuesday he texted me and said "no regrets".  I was surprised.  And happy.  Thursday night we're messaging and I asked if he was recovering and he said ... http://cantstopcrying.psychcentral.net/2008/09/20/my-life/ What the hell is wrong with me?? I don't get it.  I used to be so normal.  Now I cry and am so damn emotional and my self-esteem is in the shitter again and I only feel validated with a male opinion or attention.  This weekend was awesome.  It wasn't awkward ... http://cantstopcrying.psychcentral.net/2008/09/14/well-shit/ Was yesterday a good or bad day?  I did very well most of the day. Kaity did awesome at the demo.  Her new bo form is great.  I let the girls ride their bikes into BR--9 miles away.  YIKES!!  They were supposed to follow a specific route, so that I ... http://cantstopcrying.psychcentral.net/2008/09/07/good-or-bad/ Today is not the day that I will stop crying.  It's no good.  I can't do it.  The scream is at the back of my throat.  I've been wondering what the scream is for, why do I want to scream?  At my own stupidity?  At the situation I created from ... http://cantstopcrying.psychcentral.net/2008/09/05/no-good/ I've always struggled with depression but gosh it is just getting worse, with manic and anxiety/panic episodes lately.  All the past week I was so depressed but everything was speeded up.  I couldn't sleep, didn't even think about sleep until 2:00 at least.  Then I crashed. Two nights ago I ... http://cantstopcrying.psychcentral.net/2008/09/05/what-is-it/ Ok, not quite that optomistic, but today is better.  I actually did stop crying yesterday afternoon, but I think that's because I ran out of tears! Or because S and I talked and in order to have him anywhere in my life, I need to realize that he doesn't know ... http://cantstopcrying.psychcentral.net/2008/09/04/maybe-today/