No good
Today is not the day that I will stop crying. It’s no good. I can’t do it. The scream is at the back of my throat. I’ve been wondering what the scream is for, why do I want to scream? At my own stupidity? At the situation I created from day 1? At how my life has turned out? Because I have $32 in my bank account? Because I’m fat? Because I’m ugly? Because I can’t be with S? All of the above!!
I’m so out of touch with reality to have hoped that he would leave his life (again) for me. BUT HE SAID HE LOVES ME, said he was excited we were only a smidge away from being with each other, if only for an hour. I just want to lay next to him, put my head on his chest, feel his arm around me. Have to end this because the scream is coming.